


The Garreg Ma(t)ch(maker) Diaries

by slotumn



Series: ClauLysi Kinkwhenever [28]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Banter, Breeding, Claude von Riegan is a Little Shit, Creampie, Desk Sex, Dirty Talk, Doggy Style, Exhibitionism, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gags, Hair-pulling, Humor, Kink Meme, Library Sex, Matchmaking, Multiple Orgasms, POV Second Person, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Public Sex, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Humor, Teasing, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:13:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24178729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn
Summary: "Now, tell me, princess, which risky sex act do you want to try right here, in this sacred place of learning and knowledge, where anybody could walk in and catch us?" Claude whispered, grabbing Lysithea's hips and grinding her against the very noticeable bulge on his crotch. "Get eaten out on the desk? Give a blowjob under the desk?""I think it would be very sexy," she hissed, face flushed pink, "if you learned how to be quiet!"---Your name is Byleth Eisner, and you could probably make a living by starting up a matchmaking service after the war, because goddess damn, you were good at it.A.K.A. LysiClaude library sex while Byleth (who helped matchmake them) watches.Original prompt: "Fellas, we all love matchmaking our units in Fire Emblems, so why not project that onto our protagonist? There’s a reason Byleth keeps inviting the same pairs of students and/or faculty to lunch every free day and assigning them as adjutants for each other. And it’s not wrong to want to see the fruits of your labor when they inevitably bang, right?"
Relationships: Lysithea von Ordelia/Claude von Riegan
Series: ClauLysi Kinkwhenever [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644289
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	The Garreg Ma(t)ch(maker) Diaries

**Author's Note:**

> Done for the [kink meme](https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/476.html?style=site&thread=609756), shoutout to OP for having a massive brain.

Your name is Byleth Eisner, and you could probably make a living by starting up a matchmaking service after the war, because goddess damn, you were good at it.

And if anyone wanted proof, they needn't to look any further than the couple you were quietly watching at the moment, through the bookshelves of the library.

"Claude, this is a bad idea," Lysithea squeaked, sitting on his lap as he reached around to squeeze her breast with one hand and shove the other down her smallclothes.

"There are no such things as bad ideas, Lys, just ideas that don't get executed properly," he grinned. "And by how wet you're getting, I'd say I'm executing this one pretty well!"

"Gods, why am I sleeping with you again?"

"Because the dashing leader of the Leicester Alliance is very, very good at making you come~"

"Ugh..."

As if on cue, she shivered and slumped over while gripping the edge of the table.

It was actually pretty hilarious that the dynamic between the two was exactly what you expected, even while having sex. Claude teased Lysithea, Lysithea got annoyed and snipped at Claude, but neither of them really wanted their daily banter and non-arguments to stop, because underneath all that, they deeply trusted each other-- especially on the battlefield, where you could simply drop off the two of them on their own, and watch as they decimated an entire army in tandem with each other.

The cutest, most deadly power couple in the Alliance army, hand-picked and paired by yours truly.

You gave yourself a mental pat on the back for recognizing their little mutual crush-slash-interest back in the Academy days.

"Now, tell me, princess, which risky sex act do you want to try right here, in this sacred place of learning and knowledge, where anybody could walk in and catch us?" Claude whispered, grabbing Lysithea's hips and grinding her against the very noticeable bulge on his crotch. "Get eaten out on the desk? Give a blowjob under the desk?"

"I think it would be very sexy," she hissed, face flushed pink, "if you learned how to be quiet!"

"Aww, were the explicit descriptions too much for your young heart? Don't worry, I won't suggest things like, bouncing on my cock with your pretty little tits out until you get a creampie in your tight, hot--"

Lysithea twisted her upper body around to clasp a hand over his mouth, right as his shoulders shook with muted laughter.

"...The last one," she quietly grumbled. "Let's get it over with."

She must have been simply too horny for anything other than some good ol' dicking, but you supposed that was another way to put it.

"As you wish! But first..."

Claude slid her panties off her leg and balled it up to shove into her mouth.

"...something to keep you quiet, since you tend to be louder than me once we really get going."

Much to your surprise, Lysithea didn't protest-- in fact, she gave a muffled whine and lifted her hips, letting her lover take his cock out and rub the head along her dripping slit, before lowering herself onto the length.

"Ah, that's it," he groaned, "good girl."

So they're into that kind of thing, you internally noted, as the pair began riding and thrusting on the library chair, soft slaps and creaks emanating in the area, despite their (presumed) best efforts to be quiet.

"You really like this, don't you?" he asked, nibbling on her ear and pressing down on her clit so that his shaft would saw back and forth on it. "Who knew that the little child prodigy of the Golden Deer House would grow up to be so naughty~"

You thought back to the trashy romance ("romance" was a tame way of putting it, a lot of it was hardcore erotica) novels that spilled out of her bag one day, which she sputtered was something that the other girls asked her to borrow in their stead, even though it was more likely the other way around. 

So you nodded and told her that curiosity about such subjects was perfectly normal, and that you were chill with teenagers being teenagers, as long as she knew how to distinguish between fantasy and reality and also got proper sex education from reliable sources, before pointing her towards the human anatomy section of the library, much to her embarassment.

Who knew, indeed, you thought, right as Lysithea writhed into another orgasm while Claude continued to thrust relentlessly.

"To be fair, I'm probably to blame for some of that, since I always try to find new ways to tease you," he hummed, suddenly pulling out. 

Lysithea's eyes widened in some combination of shock, disappointment, anger, and desperation-- at least until he stood up and bent her over the desk, her breasts mashing against the hard mahogany surface while he held down her arms behind her back. She let out a strangled cry when he slammed in again-- definitely loud (and unusual) enough to alert someone if they were in the vicinity.

Thankfully, you made sure that nobody would be in the area tonight, except for yourself.

"Still, it's amazing just how easily you melt when I touch you--"

He switched to grabbing and pulling on her hair as the thrusts got more erratic, and after what seemed to be yet another orgasm, the white-haired girl's eyes lost focus and rolled up.

"--and it's, ah, unbelievable how great you feel to fuck and breed with my cum," he nearly growled the last few words, his hips jerking forward one final time as his balls tightened and the muscles around his thighs twitched.

Several moments later, semen dribbled out onto the floor as Claude pulled out his now-limp cock. (You felt sorry for whoever had to clean that up.) He removed the makeshift gag from Lysithea's mouth before turning her around and sitting her down on the desk to meet her in a kiss, long and deep and ridiculously romantic, murmuring about how much he loved her-- a big contrast from the rough, kinky sex they just had.

You figured that must be a part of the flexible, adaptable nature that he said had saved his ass on many occasions, but it was still kind of weird to watch in real time.

But hey, if it made the two of them happy.

"If you're going for the breeding angle," Lysithea whispered, pulling him closer by wrapping her legs around his waist, "you should at least make sure that we're in the proper environment for it."

"I don't know, I think every environment can be a good breeding environment, as long as we're both horny enough," Claude shrugged, pocketing her bunched-up smallclothes, "which we clearly are."

Lysithea pounded her fist against his shoulders. 

"What I meant was, let's go to your room for the next round, for saints' sakes!"

"Oh? You're up for another round? Like an needy child, aren't you~"

"Y-you're obviously going to be insatiable as usual, so I'd rather not get caught, that's all!"

"Hm, I don't know, I think the chances of us actually getting caught are actually pretty low this late into the night," he shrugged, briefly glancing sideways in your direction.

For a moment, you tensed up, but his gaze sweeped over back to Lysithea quickly enough for you to decide that there was at least a fifty percent chance of that being a coincidence.

"But you know me, I can't say no to having you in my bed," he grinned, helping her smooth out her dress after she hopped down to the floor like a gentleman and not the little shit (a brilliant one, to be sure, but still a little shit) you generally thought of him as. "Just expect me to give some really detailed descriptions about how hot it would be to fuck you in public!"

"...We literally just did that, didn't we?"

"Oh, no, like with an audience," he said, glancing over in your direction again. "Claiming you in front of everyone at the war council or something. Hot, right?"

Lysithea gave an exasperated sigh as the two of them began walking off.

"Being into most of the same things as you can be a pain, Claude, you know that?"

"Good thing we're also into pain, then."

"Not what I meant!"

\---

You waited long after the sounds of their footsteps and banter to faded before finally heading out for the night yourself.

"..."

Back in your room, you opened up your matchmaker notebook and made a checkmark next to the entry that said "sex" for Lysithea and Claude. Underneath, you scribbled some extra notes, saying:

"Pair dynamic is overall the same as their usual behavior, but sexual tastes are far kinkier than expected," 

and 

"Claude most likely noticed presence. Remember to have a talk with him later, consider using some sort of concealing magic for other entries."

After skimming over the page one last time, you gave a satisfied nod and put the note back into the drawer before heading off to bed, already thinking of which pairs to invite for meals or assign to various tasks around the monastery.

All in a day of the matchmaker life.

**Author's Note:**

> [LysiClaude week twitter](https://twitter.com/LysiClaudeWeek?s=20)  
>   
> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/slotumn?s=09)  
>   
> You know, the idea is so good that I might just end up turning this into a multi-chapter series with all my 3H ships.


End file.
